3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Randomize
