My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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