I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
