I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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