just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Your penis caused this!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
