so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
