apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
a search helicopter?!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
