Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
