i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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