Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
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She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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