my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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