It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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