Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize