Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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