You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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