I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
