Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
