babies were throwing up all over the place
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
