Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
