I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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