Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
