who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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