She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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