She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
