The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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