I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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