I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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