Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together