Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic