he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
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The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
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I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My ass is underappreciated
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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