direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
