I just made out with a guy for $7.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize