make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
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I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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