Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
