This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
