I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.