R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with