I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.