That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
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How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
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Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.