I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
