I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
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I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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