I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
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They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
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But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday