he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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