I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
