My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
