She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
