We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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