question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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