nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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