dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
