My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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