I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
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I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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