i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
