Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
