FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
