I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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