O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize