Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Did I show you my penis last night?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
