Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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