Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
