Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
