so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
