and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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