The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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