Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
