Got a toothbrush?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
