I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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