I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
