Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
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"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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