they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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