I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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