Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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