'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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