ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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